Category Archives: Holiday Humor

Fat and Happy

Over time I have realized that the overall attractiveness of men can be measured in three major categories:   Physical Appearance, Sense of Humor, and Wealth.  Over the last 3 months, I have lost nearly 40 lbs and I am continuing to lose.   However, the statistician/human performance expert in me started looking deeper at how weight loss would affect my life.   Therefore, I have put together a Pass/Fail assessment on how weight loss could possibly affect my attractiveness.

Physical Appearance:

I understand that the more weight I lose the better I will look and feel.  But let’s be honest, as I near 40 I am probably never going to be able to achieve those six pack abs that were so elusive even when I was at the peak of my athletic prowess.

The more weight I gained the less Physically Attractive I perceived myself to be:

Since I have been dieting, the more weight I lose, the more attractive I perceive myself to be:

Physical Appearance Score: Pass

Sense of Humor:

Admittedly, I think I am very funny and I can reasonably assume that nearly everyone I encounter agrees.  However, I am hungry.  And as most people know, hungry people get cranky and cranky people are not funny.

The more weight I lose, the crankier I get:

The crankier I get, the worse my sense of humor is:

Sense of Humor Score: Fail


Over the past 12 years I have noticed that the more weight I gain, the higher my salary.

Therefore, I must come to the conclusion that if I continue to lose weight, I will start to lose money as well.

Wealth Score: Fail


Based on the scores alone it is obvious to me that, although I may be more attractive physically, losing weight is going to have a negative overall effect on my attractiveness.  In conclusion, even though I want to be skinny and ripped, I must quit my diet in order to stay funny and get rich.

Disclaimer:  This is purely a satirical piece.  As a stats guy, I realize that correlation does not equate to causation.  However, it does make me feel better about the amount of Christmas Cookies I have been eating.

Happy Holidays,

The Common Sensei


Filed under Health Care, Holiday Humor, Human Performance, Lean Six Sigma